Koliva-Traditions That Honor The Reposed

Koliva-

After our daughter reposed, I very clearly remember a text message with a parishioner, that later became our god family, about Koliva.

She was kindly checking in on me and I admitted I didn’t really know how to grieve as a newly made catechumen. She shared with me something she had done when she had lost a loved one that someone had shared with her. She not only gave me the recipe but dropped off the ingredients as well.

Koliva. What on earth was this dish we make for our reposed loved ones? Why do we make this dish? It intrigued me as someone always interested in death, dying and the rituals around it, but now I wasn’t just reading about it, I was making it- For my loved ones.

I decided to take the ingredients and recipe to my mother’s because not only had we lost our daughter but earlier the same year we lost my father very unexpectedly eight hours after my wedding. I figured maybe by making it together we could process our losses together.

It was one of the best things we did. Through laughter and tears my mother and I processed our grief and got to honor and remember Virginia and my father.

I have pictures of the day we made it, and the awful way it turned out looking. I have gotten better over time, and still mastering my “decoration cross skills”, as I now make it for the Church on occasion. But what stands out to me is in doing it, it did actually help…

The Orthodox Church/Faith understands this. That as humans we need something that brings us together, to feel not so alone in our moments of anguish. We need something “to do”. We need to remember our loved ones while we are still here and share their memories with others.

If you have not made koliva for a loved one, I strongly encourage you do or something similar in your Faith or Culture. Doing something that the Church has done for centuries has a very therapeutic quality to it, just like lighting a candle or smelling incense while you pray. It is practiced by many cultures with variations to the ingredients and presentation, but ultimately it is all very similar, and the purpose is the same- to remember our loved ones.

Does your family have something special that your culture or beliefs bring together to honor your loved ones? Let's find out together what we can do to help you feel like you are honoring them.